About five years ago my buddies and I started up a weekly Texas Hold’em game, and this taught me the “bluff”. Now here was a lie I could get into. It was limited in scope, non-committal, and expected. Sadly (ok, not too sadly) backpacking Europe and S.E. Asia got in the way of honing my skills to a Johnny Chan level.

However, over the course of time I’ve been “in country” here in China, I’ve subtly whet this skill without even knowing it. My bluff? That I speak Chinese.

You see, rarely a few days go by when I don’t find myself in a situation where I walk by a group of (almost always male) 20somethings that mumble “safsefaeadfaelǎowàiawkfjal awfd ahwdawh awdawhadwwǒcàoasdw wfaw”. This is usually followed by the Laowai-hair-raising “Hellooooo!”

And that’s where they make their face-losing mistake. You see, as pitiful as my Chinese is, it’s better than their English. In no small part because I live in China, and am married to a Chinese woman, while they most likely are not spending six months a year in Aspen and dating some 外国女人.

So, time to bluff. As soon as they start referencing me (always in the “he can’t understand us, or this shit we’re talking about him” way) I ready myself for the coming “Helloooo”. When it arrives, I pounce with an overly sincere and surprised: “你会说英语吗!?!”

This simple sentence is the cornerstone of solid psychological street fighting in China.

In one easy to remember (and more importantly, easily understood) sentence of Chinese, I castrate my opponent by not just letting it be known bluffing that I understood every word they just said about me, but I also force them into admitting that their bogus English greeting was, in fact, the extent of their extra-lingual skills. And the cherry on top, it’s done while demonstrating (or rather, bluffing) that I can speak Chinese.

Now sure, if I was certain of what was being said about me, I’d likely rip ‘em a new one (I’ve now got the vocab). But when I’m not 100%, this is a simple little method of keeping some chalk on the Laowai side of the scoreboard.

The short answer is: Yes, God yes!

The long answer, however, is a little more complicated. The truth is, I’m starting to like it here. Now before the boys at Sinocidal all grab their bats and plan an intervention, I should clarify.

There is a crapload about this country that I hate, and I’ll always hate. Despite having heard the “you’re a guest in this country” line from an endless number of well-intentioned, completely full-of-it, expats, one of the things I’ve learned most about living in China is that I’m not going to sacrifice my beliefs and values to “better fit in”.

I have these values due to a lifetime of trying to figure out this fragile thing called “existence”, and so why would I give up (or even ‘suspend’) that just to “accept” things that fundamentally disagree with? To get along with people better? To not create waves? To perpetuate the illusion that it’s ‘ok’? Fuck that noise.

Having clarified that, what I have realized is that I have been over-sensitive about things, and that has begun to dull.

Since I was a youngin’, I’ve always had that critical eye. That annoyingly cynical bit about me that looks for troubles even when there aren’t any. In Canada you have to look pretty hard for that, because, let’s face it, Canada’s a pretty fan’frigin’tastic place to live (my sense of my home country has also twisted since being away).

Literally having to dig around for societal problems and injustices to pick apart while growing up in Canada, it was a shock upon arriving in China when I was suddenly suffocating in them. It was like swimming in a sea of things to criticize. National ignorance, government corruption, an etiquette deficiency, the impoverished forgotten. Everywhere I looked I could find flaws.

I’ve now acclimatized a bit, and adjusted the cynic-inside to criticize at a more balanced level. Sure I still complain, have my random racist extrapohating argument with Maggie about “her people”, but on the whole, I’ve discovered that once you find your balance here, it’s not so disagreeable.

This post was largely inspired by the “What Comes After China?” writing project started by Jeremy at The China Expat. It’s a valid question and one that most every expatriate in this country undoubtedly considers more than just a little.

I think I’m in the same boat as much of the expat population in that I don’t want to return home having wasted my time here. This is pushing me into using my time in China to build my knowledge, skills and employability while I’ve the relative freedom to do it.

It’s also brought me closer to realizing my dream job of being geographically independent, my own boss and doing something I love.

So, what comes after China? For me, there really is no “after China”. Maybe I’ll move back to Canada, or perhaps to some other place, but I’m married to this country now, in more ways than just through my wife.

Like it, hate it, or tolerate it, China is part of who I am now. And to be honest, I truly feel I’m all the better because of it.