Last weekend I was introduced to comedian Tim Minchin by my friend Nicki. Thanks to her I’ve spent the last few days firmly entrenching myself in the Tim Minchin fanclub, watching damn near all his videos on Youtube, as well as his “Ready For This?” DVD last night.

Minchin’s act is a combination of comedic songs (he’s an impressive pianist), regular standup and poems. There are so many great bits that had me in tears, including “If I didn’t have you” (which was the video that first sold me on him) and “Fuck the poor“. But his beat poem “Storm” was particularly clever, and the animated short film that was created for it makes it even better.

My favourite part (emphasis mine):

“You’re so sure of your position
But you’re just closed-minded
I think you’ll find
Your faith in Science and Tests
Is just as blind
As the faith of any fundamentalist”

“Hm that’s a good point, let me think for a bit
Oh wait, my mistake, it’s absolute bullshit.
Science adjusts its beliefs based on what’s observed
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved.
If you show me
That, say, homeopathy works,
Then I will change my mind
I’ll spin on a fucking dime
I’ll be embarrassed as hell,
But I will run through the streets yelling
It’s a miracle! Take physics and bin it!
Water has memory!
And while it’s memory of a long lost drop of onion juice is Infinite
It somehow forgets all the poo it’s had in it!

You can check out Tim doing the bit live here. I’ve got two other Minchin items queued up for as soon as I find time to watch: 2007′s “So Live”, and also a documentary that was made about Tim called “Rock ‘n’ Roll Nerd”.

If you like comedy, particularly clever comedy, be sure to check him out. You can also check out my newly created list of atheist comedians for more godless jokers. I’m always on the hunt for others, so please share your favs in the comments.

Holy Christ is it funny.

For those that don’t know who David Thorne is, and haven’t visited his immensely hilarious site 27b/6, essentially he writes satirical, at least partially fictional, articles that are frequently in the form of e-mail exchanges. Here’s an excerpt from Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight:

Darryl. The kind of friend Jesus would have.

While preaching is not allowed in Australian public schools, it is apparently fine to replace school counsellors with ‘Christian Volunteers’ such as Darryl.

A few years ago, the government realised that they could hand over school counselling roles to a willing Christian church without having to pay for the privilege. Now almost half of Australian public schools have a Christian volunteer as a full time member of the school community with parents having no direct control of how much their children are exposed to.

Although usually an advocate of people being entitled to their opinions, sexual preferences and beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl’s fat head.

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.

Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.

As I trust my offspring’s ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to ‘Jesus’ are replaced with the term ‘Purportedly Magic Jew.’

Regards, David.

---

From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 9.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David

The tick in the box already was a mistake I noticed after printing them all. I’ve seen the play and it’s not indoctrinating anyone. It’s a fun play performed by a great bunch of kids. You do not have to be religious to enjoy it. You are welcome to attend if you have any concerns.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

---

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 11.02am
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

Thank you for the kind offer, being unable to think of anything more exciting than attending your entertaining and fun filled afternoon, I tried harder and thought of about four hundred things.

I was actually in a Bible based play once and played the role of ‘Annoyed about having to do this.’ My scene involved offering a potplant, as nobody knew what Myrrh was, to a plastic baby Jesus then standing between ‘I forgot my costume so am wearing the teachers poncho’ and ‘I don’t feel very well’. Highlights of the play included a nervous donkey with diarrhoea causing ‘I don’t feel very well’ to vomit onto the back of Mary’s head, and the lighting system, designed to provide a halo effect around the manger, overheating and setting it alight. The teacher, later criticised for dousing an electrical fire with a bucket of water and endangering the lives of children, left the building in tears and the audience in silence. We only saw her again briefly when she came to the school to collect her poncho.

Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your god’s promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikkiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry.

Regards, David.

Read the rest of “Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight.” Equally hilarious are … well… pretty much every article on the site. Some of my favs:

• Ten F26-A formal complaint notices in six months
• Party in Apartment 3
• Blockbuster Late Fees
• Next time, I’ll spend the money on drugs instead
• Missing Missy

David’s also published a book, “The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius“, which is (somewhat surprisingly) also available via Amazon.cn.

No offence intended to my Christian friends, I’m glad you’re still here.

God I love the Onion.

Addie just recently went into heat for the first time (snuck up on us – we were still thinking she was just a puppy). For anyone that’s never had a (ahem) bitch in heat, it can be a bit messy. To combat this we’ve employed a couple pairs of old undies – much to our amusement.

She’s surprisingly good natured about the whole thing and doesn’t seem to pay hardly any attention to her sexy panties. In a week or so when the bleeding stops and the “come get me boys!” starts, we’re betting that might change.

And before anyone starts yelling at us for not having her spayed yet – we completely meant to get her spayed before she ever went into heat, but as mentioned, it totally snuck up on us. We’ve called around and will be taking her to a vet next month.

Should anyone know of a good vet in Suzhou (SIP), please let me know.

And to keep you laughing…

Server Move

Apologies if the site is acting wonky. I’ve just migrated to a new (Asia-based) server, so things may be a bit up and down until the hiccups pass. Once they do though, speeds should be much improved for all us folks in China.

However, it’s officially the weekend, and I’m in the mood for some Olympic-sized funnies:

The Beijing Olympics: Are They A Trap?

Every time she says that “Oh, they’re going to wait until it gets dark, and they’re going to bring out their dragons” I pee a little.

Even more hilarious is that some couChinesegh folks on the YouTube page seem to think that ONN = CNN and missed that this is satire.

I’ve been itchy all week (seriously – I think I have hives or something), and fortunately I caught this video explaining it’s just Olympic Fever.

Chinese Officials: Deadly Virus Sweeping China Is Just Olympic Fever

And finally, check out “Green-Clad Olympic Archer Steals Gold Medals From Rich, Gives Them To Poor”

He’s probably a Canuck – just looking to bring something home to Canada.

Also stumbled across this funny video of the Daily Show in China (h/t Shanghaiist):

“Older” sounds a little better than “old,” doesn’t it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer … I’m getting old. And it’s OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won’t have to die — I’ll ‘pass away.’ Or I’ll ‘expire,’ like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they’ll call it a ‘terminal episode.’ The insurance company will refer to it as ‘negative patient care outcome.’ And if it’s the result of malpractice they’ll say it was a ‘therapeutic misadventure.’

You were a comedic genius and legend. Whatever it’s called, You will be missed.

Some of the greats

Usage of the Word Fuck

Filthy Words (Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television)

this isn’t the original bit, but I don’t know if it was captured on video – YouTube doesn’t seem to think so.

Religion is Bullshit

On that note, some rather fantastic news from the SFist (the Shanghaiist‘s West-side cousin, to the east):

Looking to honor the forty-third President of the United States of America, George W. Bush, the recently formed Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco is looking to change the name of the Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility. It seems the group would like to rename the SF Zoo adjacent facility to the “George W Bush Sewage Plant.”

Genius.

The local grassroots movement, helmed by “Wayne Pickering,” is proposing an ordinance initiative for the November 2008 San Francisco ballot in order to get the poop/pee/vomit plant’s title changed. Why? To honor our current leader of the free world with an “appropriate and enduring legacy, for no other president in modern American history has accomplished so much in such a short time.

We think this is an excellent idea.

As do I – read more of the article to find out how you can help.

Also, check out the SFist’s follow-up interview with one of the masterminds of this most awesome tribute.