I would love to hear the rant on getting the citizenship card as I will be heading down that road in a couple months. It seems like a nightmare and I haven’t even started yet. I plan on calling the Canadian embassy (not known for being super helpful over the phone) to try to make sure that I at least get the birth certificate written correctly so we won’t have any problems there. We are in Xi’An so not exactly a hotbed of Canadians having kids. Anyways, interesting to read your experience and please do share on the citizenship card!

Thanks for the kick in the pants Cam!

It definitely could have gone smoother, but wasn’t as bad as I had braced myself for. The one credit I’ll give the Shanghai consulate is their promptness to reply via e-mail. I had several questions over the course of the process and they were always quick and thurough with their responses. But at the end of the day, dealing with anything “government” and “important” requires a boat load of patience, a lot of flexibility and a stiff drink — it’s actually a fantastic warmup for parenting.

The other thing we had going for us was the fact that Casey’s mom is Chinese. This basically means that no matter what we do with the Canadian government, until we leave China and return with a Canadian passport and Chinese visa in Casey’s little toddler hands, he’s regarded as being a Chinese citizen. This means that we had considerably more time to handle all this stuff than if Maggie and I were both Canadian citizens. Had we been, the Chinese government would have required us to get Casey a visa (and thus a temporary passport) within something like 30 days after his birth.

Also, and this probably isn’t true for all Chinese hospitals, our birth certificate was bilingual, so I didn’t need to have it translated and notified by a Notary. I did require it to be notified, but that was easy enough to have done. Not real cheap (especially considering how low-value anything “notarized” in China is) but not hard either.

The trickiest part was the photos. I thought we had followed the instructions to the T on the application, but there was a small issue and so we had to get them redone. Not a big deal, as there is a photo place right at the base of the building the consulate is in, but their machine was broken. Fortunately the consulate allowed me to submit the application and mail retaken photos from Suzhou, so we didn’t need to make an additional trip to Shanghai.

The site explains that processing times can take up to 18 months, which is just stunning to me, but I suppose on it’s on par with general government efficiency. In reality, it took about 1/3 that time. Unfortunately for us in that time we had moved across the country and were no where near Shanghai.

We had foreseen this and confirmed we could simply update the consulate when we moved and they’d have the citizenship card sent to the Guangzhou consulate instead — a much cheaper and quicker trip. This is where things got a bit frustrating, and time-bendingly confusing.

I updated the consulate in March, and they said no problem. A couple weeks later they informed me that the card had already been shipped, and so would be going to the Shanghai consulate. Asking what my options were, I was told that I could either have someone else pick it up, or have it shipped down to Guangzhou — which would take an extra 3-6 months.

3-6 months? WTF? Apparently, consulates (or, indeed, embassies, I would assume) cannot inter-ship, and so the card would need to be sent all the way back to Canada and re-sent to Guangzhou. If that sounds especially retarded, you’re feeling what I felt. I was told this is due to “security”, but cannot for the life of me work out why it is more secure to send something across the globe and back again than it is to send something by registered overnight delivery domestically.

Adding to the confusion is the fact that it takes so incredibly long to travel between China and Canada. The only method I know of that takes that long is regular post, which is shipped. They can’t possibly be sending identity documents by regular post, can they? Maybe all consulate-bound documents wait until John Baird or one of his crew are headed over, and they all get stuck in their carry-on? You tell me.

Whatever, the Guangzhou trip would have been faster and cheaper, but going up to Shanghai was a nice break from Haikou’s summer heat, and an excellent opportunity to visit friends we hadn’t seen in a few months.

Overall, much smoother and easier (if not slower and more expensive) than organizing visas for Maggie to visit Canada.

Some days my countrymen, yes even the Quebecois, make me entirely proud to be a Canuck . Need further proof where Canadians stand on jokes made about the jokiest of all White House contenders? The Globe and Mail, one of the largest and most respected newspapers in Canada, ran the entire transcript of the prank.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this confession, but I thought I’d make it regardless.

I drink so much in a day that I’ve set a cut-off limit of 5pm, anything later and I increase my chances of having night-terrors. Now, instead of night-time misadventures, I find myself cramming cups in the hour leading up to 5pm, causing me to be a tweaking twitchy mess of a person.

When I first moved to China, up in a small town just outside of Dalian in China’s north-east, it was a hassle to even track down instant coffee that didn’t come in crappy satchels and were made of a powder than never quite dissolved.

I’m not sure if it’s my change in location or China’s breakneck development, but now finding coffee (even proper non-instant grinds) isn’t much of a hassle. However, there’s still something missing – it’s just not Timmies.

Tim Horton’s coffee, for anyone not from Canada (or one of the few US states that have a chain), is a quintessential Canadian coffee/donut shop that holds the unique honour of also working its way into our national identity.

Say “large double double” to any Canadian and they’ll almost assuredly know what you mean.

Alas, unlike Starbucks, there’s not a Tim Horton’s drive-thru for more than 9,000 km (Starbucks has a location about 200m from my apartment). Fortunately, for the last couple years my (true and dear) friend Amanda has made it her Christmas mission to stock my Chinese cupboards with Tim Horton’s coffee via their brew-at-home packets of “authentic” Tim Horton’s blend.

The gesture forced me to bite the bullet and purchase myself a coffee maker a while back – but the results have been lackluster at best. The coffee was alright, but didn’t have that “Timmies” quality.

I blamed my coffeemaker (cheapish Phillips), the water, the milk/cream ratio… nothing seemed to work.

So, I started hunting around and found this interesting post. It claims, from a source deep within the Tim Horton’s echelon of power, that no matter what I do, I’ll never get that Timmies’ taste – as the stuff brewed at the shop contains something my packets don’t.

The secret Tim Horton’s ingredient? Roasted black mustard seed. Apparently you just grind them into the coffee (to taste) and voila! True Timmies at home.

One problem – finding roasted black mustard seeds here might be just as hard as finding a Tim Horton’s drive-thru.

But I’m making it my mission (and Amanda’s generously offered to Santa me some seeds should I not find them by Christmas). If any fellow Canucks have tried this, or try this before me, let me know the results.

Note: other Internet sources, and Tim Horton’s corp, state that this is completely false and that Tim Horton’s has no “secret ingredient”. They state that you just require a commercial coffeemaker that (a) super heats the water, and (b) doesn’t burn the coffee while it’s sitting in the pot (Timmies has a 20-minute freshness rule). Though both of these make sense, additional research online showed people who had bought the “official Tim Horton’s coffeemaker”, and the home brew was still missing something.

Update – 8/20/2008

I’ve just heard back from Amanda, whose husband rushed out to buy some roasted black mustard seeds, and we have total success!

Approximate usage:
Amanda put 1/4 tsp of roasted black mustard seeds mixed in with two heaping tbsp of coffee for a 12-cup coffeemaker set to “medium” strength (she’s apparently got a way cooler coffeemaker than my 2-cup beast).

Also – she wasn’t using Timmie’s brand coffee grinds, but just regular Folgers.

Before I can get my visa renewed next month, I need first to renew my passport. No big deal really, a couple of photos, an application form signed by a person of substance that has known me for 2 years and a fee – voila, presto chango I’ve 5 more years of stamp collecting.

But wait – A/Bing the process with that which befalls my brothers and sisters not fortunate enough to live abroad, and I’ve noticed one major difference – I’m being screwed. Royally (Canada being part of the Commonwealth and all).

1. The fee for a 48-page passport renewal in Canada is $105 (710 RMB) – the fee for us folks here in China is 810 RMB ($120).
2. Due to simplified passport processes (because the US is going to be demanding we produce ‘em while border-crossing after 2009) – Canadians at home are no longer required to get the signature of a guarantor (a doctor, lawyer, judget, etc. that has known you for 2+ years) to certify you are indeed you. But us chumps abroad, despite being in a situation where we may or may not have known anyone in this country for more than two years, let alone know “professional” folks, are required to get this signature.
3. Additionally, one of the stipulations is that the guarantor must sign without a monetary reward (can’t pay some opportunistic SOB to do it). However, should you not be able to get the signature of a guarantor, the Canadian embassy or consulate here in China is happy enough to assume you are you, and sign it for you – for a 385 RMB ($55) “legal” fee. Yeah… that’s stretching the term “legal” just about as far as it can go.

So, simply because I am not in my home country, and am in the process of actually using the damn passport, I am forced to pay 75% more than were I to be back in Canada.