Comments on: What would you do if I sang out of tune? http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/ I'm a dad, designer, China expat and blogger Tue, 31 Jan 2012 07:41:49 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Ryan http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24916 Ryan Tue, 25 Mar 2008 02:14:15 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24916 I've kept in touch (through the marvels of Facebook and its ilk) with quite a few folks I've met here. And though I would certainly say they are "friends", I still feel that there's a detachment from them compared to if I had made friends with them in our home countries. I've friendships that still exist with people I met while backpacking through Europe and Asia a few years ago. And though I value those relationships, they just don't have the flesh and bone-ness of friends I made and kept since high school. In the end I think friendship is based largely on shared experiences. Because of the rather unique experiences that a foreigner faces in China, this creates fast bonds based on this alone. But despite being rather strange and interesting experiences, in the end they tend to be few and/or over a short period of time. I mean, there's only so many e-mails you can send that say "So, what's new? Remember the time we ate chicken feet? Haha... good times..." @Zhongguoist: Certainly if you hang out with Chinese you're bound to befriend Chinese... I think my point (and the point James made on his blog) is that the friendships tend to be sort of shallow and boring. It's a rare find in deed to meet a local that can engage in some interesting dialog (in either Chinese or English) that doesn't sound like it's being read from a text book. I’ve kept in touch (through the marvels of Facebook and its ilk) with quite a few folks I’ve met here. And though I would certainly say they are “friends”, I still feel that there’s a detachment from them compared to if I had made friends with them in our home countries.

I’ve friendships that still exist with people I met while backpacking through Europe and Asia a few years ago. And though I value those relationships, they just don’t have the flesh and bone-ness of friends I made and kept since high school.

In the end I think friendship is based largely on shared experiences. Because of the rather unique experiences that a foreigner faces in China, this creates fast bonds based on this alone.

But despite being rather strange and interesting experiences, in the end they tend to be few and/or over a short period of time.

I mean, there’s only so many e-mails you can send that say “So, what’s new? Remember the time we ate chicken feet? Haha… good times…”

@Zhongguoist: Certainly if you hang out with Chinese you’re bound to befriend Chinese… I think my point (and the point James made on his blog) is that the friendships tend to be sort of shallow and boring. It’s a rare find in deed to meet a local that can engage in some interesting dialog (in either Chinese or English) that doesn’t sound like it’s being read from a text book.

]]> By: Byron http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24912 Byron Sun, 23 Mar 2008 10:03:04 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24912 Cheers Zhongguoist, to avoid missreading of my post can I point out I accidently let a 'not' out after the surely (don't call me surely). I'd like to hang-out more with Chinese people but I'm afraid the language will always be a barrier. Do I want to learn Chinese? Of course ... but I work damn hard at my job including hour every evening so it just isn't going to happen anytime soon. Maybe next year ... Cheers Zhongguoist, to avoid missreading of my post can I point out I accidently let a ‘not’ out after the surely (don’t call me surely).

I’d like to hang-out more with Chinese people but I’m afraid the language will always be a barrier. Do I want to learn Chinese? Of course … but I work damn hard at my job including hour every evening so it just isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Maybe next year …

]]> By: Zhongguoist http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24911 Zhongguoist Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:32:41 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24911 Also, just to add on to my post before I get loads of stick, I'm not by any means fluent in Chinese I just try hard with it. Obviously there are things with my friends that I don't understand but it does get better in terms of communication. Also, just to add on to my post before I get loads of stick, I’m not by any means fluent in Chinese I just try hard with it. Obviously there are things with my friends that I don’t understand but it does get better in terms of communication.

]]> By: Zhongguoist http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24910 Zhongguoist Sun, 23 Mar 2008 05:30:46 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24910 Byron, I noticed about BBC days ago and posted about it on my website then(not that there's loads of people who read it). Even some of the T word stuff works now.... I find that in China I don't hang out very much in 'expat' places but hang out with Chinese people a lot more. It may be partly because I'm here for a year(maybe 2) to improve my language and for me that's quite important. Last time I was in China I didn't have the language I have now and so my friends spoke more English than I spoke Chinese. This time around it's not the case and I like that a lot. Even my 'language exchange' isn't really a language exchange. I help her with her English homework sometimes and the rest of the time we just talk in Chinese as she doesn't like talking in English. A few of my classmates(non-Chinese) I'm quite friendly with and I'd say that it was more than 'acquaintances.' And yes in China there are times when you meet people who you don't agree with at all and it feels ridiculously forced just to talk to them because you're the only foreigners in a place. Byron, I noticed about BBC days ago and posted about it on my website then(not that there’s loads of people who read it). Even some of the T word stuff works now….

I find that in China I don’t hang out very much in ‘expat’ places but hang out with Chinese people a lot more. It may be partly because I’m here for a year(maybe 2) to improve my language and for me that’s quite important. Last time I was in China I didn’t have the language I have now and so my friends spoke more English than I spoke Chinese. This time around it’s not the case and I like that a lot. Even my ‘language exchange’ isn’t really a language exchange. I help her with her English homework sometimes and the rest of the time we just talk in Chinese as she doesn’t like talking in English. A few of my classmates(non-Chinese) I’m quite friendly with and I’d say that it was more than ‘acquaintances.’ And yes in China there are times when you meet people who you don’t agree with at all and it feels ridiculously forced just to talk to them because you’re the only foreigners in a place.

]]> By: Byron http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24909 Byron Sat, 22 Mar 2008 16:08:10 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24909 Well, we've (the misses and me) just re-signed for another two years so it'll be 2010 before we're out of here, at the earliest. In fact quite a lot of our colleagues have re-signed (just saw the need to add a hyphen in there). By the way, surely I'm the only one to have noticed the news.bbc.co.uk is unblocked now. Well, we’ve (the misses and me) just re-signed for another two years so it’ll be 2010 before we’re out of here, at the earliest. In fact quite a lot of our colleagues have re-signed (just saw the need to add a hyphen in there).

By the way, surely I’m the only one to have noticed the news.bbc.co.uk is unblocked now.

]]> By: Another Laowai http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24908 Another Laowai Fri, 21 Mar 2008 04:44:22 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24908 Ah yes, how could we ever forget Rebecca the only woman forced to give blowjobs with her ass because too much shit comes out of her mouth Ah yes, how could we ever forget Rebecca the only woman forced to give blowjobs with her ass because too much shit comes out of her mouth

]]> By: China-Matt http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24905 China-Matt Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:33:44 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24905 For the most part this is quite true--and there are some I wish I had kept at more than arms reach. I know I've been fortunate enough to make friends here who I can keep in contact with even though they've moved on. Another type of expat you meet in China is the one you probably wouldn't befriend if you were back home. I have a few I'm sure I wouldn't hang out with if we met in the states, but they've turned out to be quality friends here. For the most part this is quite true–and there are some I wish I had kept at more than arms reach. I know I’ve been fortunate enough to make friends here who I can keep in contact with even though they’ve moved on. Another type of expat you meet in China is the one you probably wouldn’t befriend if you were back home. I have a few I’m sure I wouldn’t hang out with if we met in the states, but they’ve turned out to be quality friends here.

]]> By: Ryan http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24904 Ryan Thu, 20 Mar 2008 07:27:06 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24904 @James: Great post (@everyone else: check it out). Trust that us married folks need friends too ;-) Though you're right, getting a significant other is a solid way of forming a friendship - though the dating pool is full of just as many pitfalls as the friend-finding one. @AL: Here perhaps, but our ilk is responsible for all sorts of inspiration at <a href="http://geisham.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">this blog</a>. @James: Great post (@everyone else: check it out). Trust that us married folks need friends too ;-) Though you’re right, getting a significant other is a solid way of forming a friendship – though the dating pool is full of just as many pitfalls as the friend-finding one.

@AL: Here perhaps, but our ilk is responsible for all sorts of inspiration at this blog.

]]> By: Another Laowai http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24903 Another Laowai Thu, 20 Mar 2008 06:30:25 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24903 Wow, I think this is the first post that I've been the inspiration for. Wow, I think this is the first post that I’ve been the inspiration for.

]]> By: James http://www.ryan-mclaughlin.com/blog/farrago/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24902 James Thu, 20 Mar 2008 03:52:53 +0000 http://www.thehumanaught.com/blog/2008/03/20/what-would-you-do-if-i-sang-out-of-tune/#comment-24902 Indeed, you've pretty much nailed it when it comes to expats. It's almost annoying for anyone living here long term that even if you meet someone really cool, chances are they'll only be around less than a year. Combine it with the Chinese friend situation, which I've covered quite thoroughly (post linked), and the fact that most long term expats like yourself tend to be married (not that that's a bad thing), it's difficult to make really good friends here. I have this fantasy that HK is somehow immune to this. Indeed, you’ve pretty much nailed it when it comes to expats. It’s almost annoying for anyone living here long term that even if you meet someone really cool, chances are they’ll only be around less than a year. Combine it with the Chinese friend situation, which I’ve covered quite thoroughly (post linked), and the fact that most long term expats like yourself tend to be married (not that that’s a bad thing), it’s difficult to make really good friends here.

I have this fantasy that HK is somehow immune to this.

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