Over the next month found out he was drinking and was in fact an alcoholic. Something he had failed to share with me, I was under the illusion the choice not to drink was a mututal life style decision.  

Since then he has destroyed me financially because we had bought a home together and I couldnt manage all the expenses on my own. We had been together for four years prior to deciding to go to China. I am a successful professional who has never encountered anything like this in a relationship before but located two women he had prior relationships with and they had the same experience with him.  Both were left much poorer then they were when they met him.

He’s gone through dozens of Chinese women spending every cent he earns, has destroyed his Cdn credit rating and left me holding the bag.

Whats worse is he promises the women who dont trade sex for $$ that  he is going to marry them in order to get them into bed. He is obssessed with Chinese women, its apparently a fetish he has developed once he got to China, but at the same time he abuses their trust, uses them discards them and moves onto another one.

To anyone who has found themselves in this situation I have this advise: There is no such thing as closure, its a myth, there is nothing these dirt bags could say that would ever bring “closure”, nothing a sane person would understand anyhow.

Mary needs psychiatric help rather then trying to find this man. I suspect she is suffering under the illusion he once more needs her to “rescue” him. This is indicitive of a serious personality disorder.  

She should consider her lucky she cant find him ! Mine is still phoning me, 7 years later and asking for help to get out of his latest mess !!! He is exhibiting very irrational behavior.   

I believe he could never return to live in a western society at this point, he has spent too much time wallowing in the gutter in China and is showing signs of brain damage because of his drinking, and a rage disorder that now he is finding it harder and harder to find women willing to be with him in China.

China can keep him.  

First of all, ‘Mary’ and ‘Beth’ are not identical (I find this insulting). All I want to do is support my friend. Over the past year, I have watched her fall apart. And I have been unable to do more for her than be there for her when my time allows, hold her and listen to her. I have taken her to hospital (yes, she is extremely sick) and have made sure that some of her bills are paid. I wish I could do more. ‘Mary’ is a wonderful friend. She is generous and doesn’t judge people (she never judged ‘Ted’ for being destitute; instead, she supported him – so that he could treat her like this?).

Thanks to ‘Ted’s’ arrogance and indifference, ‘Mary’ is going to lose her home in the new year – unless ‘Ted’ pays what he borrowed from her. Yes, ‘Mary’ has employed a solicitor, but ‘Ted’, the selfish scum, has been ignoring all this since September (and ‘Mary’s’ attempts to talk to him about his debt for much longer). ‘Ted’ has two well-paid jobs in Suzhou and is earning enough (many times over) to repay ‘Mary’. ‘Mary’s’ solicitor has asked for modest monthly repayments, which would not compromise ‘Ted’s’ affluent, wasteful, show-off lifestyle. ‘Mary’ has bank statements to prove that she did lend (not ‘give as a present’) ‘Ted’ all this money. Yet, ‘Ted’ has not even bothered to acknowledge the fact that he owes 10,000 pounds (on top of everything ‘Mary’ gave him (= not a loan) in London.

There are some people whose entries have been very kind (thank you) and many whose entries have been as callous as ‘Ted’s’ character (what makes you the judge of someone else’s agony? Are you no better than ‘Ted’?). This is no longer about ‘lost love’ (such abominable betrayal could never be forgiven by a hugely intelligent, proud woman), this is about ‘Ted’ being a thief and a criminal. This is about justice, respect and what is morally right. This is also about China (and everybody who has bought ‘Ted’s’ lies) protecting him. This is about those amongst you who know ‘Ted’ and think he has done nothing wrong.

So, if anybody does know where this human (?) filth can be found (someone seems to ‘know’ him! There will be others), and what can be done, could they (as the last entry suggests) contact me via Ryan? I can assure everybody that this is a genuine matter – how would any of you feel if you give your trust to another person, only to find out that he is a fraud and has betrayed you, together with taking your life savings?

I wish everybody (except for ‘Ted’) out there a peaceful Christmas. – ‘Beth’

I would like to know how Mary is feeling now. Has she taken a solicitor? Has she hired a contract killer? Are her friends able to help her through this? If she loved and trusted Ted as much as Beth’s letter indicates, this is not something she will simply shrug off. And if Ted’s actions have made her ill, it’s not something anybody ‘wants’ to be. Maybe the cynics out there should do some research on depression and grief (and the grief Mary has experienced is worse than death – any counsellor would tell you this).

Ted seems to have betrayed everything Mary ‘is’. He didn’t just betray their relationship, he betrayed everything that matters: morals, honesty, respect, dignity, to name but a few. Only the most shallow out there can live without these.

And why should they be one and the same woman? If Mary is brave enough to contact a complete stranger, why would she pretend to be her own friend? I wish I had a friend like Beth.

So why ridicule someone for clearly giving this low-life of a man more support than most of us will ever get? And then he just turns round (he didn’t even do that though, did he?) and shits on everything she’s done for him? And people out there think this is funny? That Ted got out just in time? That this is Fatal Attraction?

George (it was George’s and BenJo’s (male or female?) replies that finally made me decide to share my views) said that Ted should be forced to meet Mary. I agree with that. Ted has committed a crime, and he should be confronted with the victim of his crime. Banana said he ‘knows’ Ted. If he (?) really does know him (his real name and where he can be found), then why doesn’t he come forward and let Mary know (via Ryan?) how she can get in touch with him? If the guy’s earning excellent money in China and Mary lent him a fortune when he had nothing, is there no way the guy can be made to ‘pay’ (in more ways than one)?

Ted’s guilt and selfishness will, I hope be his downfall. I hope Mary will get a chance to spit on his grave. How long will Ted be able to pull the wool over people’s eyes in China? He can’t fool them forever and make them think he’s the Western Golden Boy. I don’t know China personally (although I have read a lot about it), but it would be sad to think that a big wallet is all the Chinese need to protect someone (in that case, Ted’s callousness and greed would be highly rated!). Somebody is clearly protecting Ted. His boss, his friends, the ‘gold digger’ trophy girl and her family (he’s too good to lose).

But when Ted is stripped of his cash and when people start seeing the real Ted (I wonder if Ted knows who the ‘real’ Ted is anymore …), when they see only the shallowness of his character, there is nothing that can make Ted a human being.

Ted’s deluded. He appears to have been a failure back home and is using his Western status to charm China (and the women). I wonder how long it will take his new Chinese buddies to see beneath Ted’s surface and realise he’s not what he pretends to be. It would be really sad to think that he could go on deceiving, cheating and lying.

I hope Mary’s getting legal advice on how to get her money back, at least some of it. I cannot imagine how she expects to ‘heal’ emotionally after this betrayal, but I hope she gets herself a good solicitor.

Ted owes her big time, in many ways! It doesn’t look as though Mary and Ted were living in any kind of squalor, looks like Mary has a good job and owns a house. How would she have been able to support him otherwise? I don’t think she and Ted were living on baked beans.

As far as I’m concerned, I hope Ted gets what he deserves, that his past catches up with him and he becomes a victim of his own lies. Time for a reality check, Ted?!

My goodness, if I were to tell a trajic story about my family, life etc then I too could expect sympathy, help and understanding from people with open hearts and deep pockets (?) – I think that is highly unlikely, however I am actually living in the real world – not an asian fantasy.

Evidently ignorance is “bliss” to those unable to observe reality around them.

Of course we do not know what kind of squalor Mary & Ted were living in in London, but I can certainly understand the attraction of the fast pace and bright lights of Suzhou being hard to leave…