Last weekend I was introduced to comedian Tim Minchin by my friend Nicki. Thanks to her I’ve spent the last few days firmly entrenching myself in the Tim Minchin fanclub, watching damn near all his videos on Youtube, as well as his “Ready For This?” DVD last night.

Minchin’s act is a combination of comedic songs (he’s an impressive pianist), regular standup and poems. There are so many great bits that had me in tears, including “If I didn’t have you” (which was the video that first sold me on him) and “Fuck the poor“. But his beat poem “Storm” was particularly clever, and the animated short film that was created for it makes it even better.

My favourite part (emphasis mine):

“You’re so sure of your position
But you’re just closed-minded
I think you’ll find
Your faith in Science and Tests
Is just as blind
As the faith of any fundamentalist”

“Hm that’s a good point, let me think for a bit
Oh wait, my mistake, it’s absolute bullshit.
Science adjusts its beliefs based on what’s observed
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved.
If you show me
That, say, homeopathy works,
Then I will change my mind
I’ll spin on a fucking dime
I’ll be embarrassed as hell,
But I will run through the streets yelling
It’s a miracle! Take physics and bin it!
Water has memory!
And while it’s memory of a long lost drop of onion juice is Infinite
It somehow forgets all the poo it’s had in it!

You can check out Tim doing the bit live here. I’ve got two other Minchin items queued up for as soon as I find time to watch: 2007′s “So Live”, and also a documentary that was made about Tim called “Rock ‘n’ Roll Nerd”.

If you like comedy, particularly clever comedy, be sure to check him out. You can also check out my newly created list of atheist comedians for more godless jokers. I’m always on the hunt for others, so please share your favs in the comments.

And while Bullshit! certainly hinted at the pair’s atheistic views, it wasn’t until I started watching Penn’s podcast on Revision3 that I learned Penn was an outspoken atheist and libertarian, two traits that I (while not quite as outspoken) share with him. As such, I was excited to recently get my hands on his new book, God, No!: Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales.

I’m a big fan of atheist propaganda. I’ve read more Dawkins and Hitchens in the last few years than I have any other authors. I’m a sucker for nodding along to stunning realizations about the blazingly obvious.

With its title, and Penn’s frequent mention of Hitchens in his podcast, I had assumed this book might be somewhat Four Horsemen-esque. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I loved the book, but the title is complete bullshit. It’s obviously a grab for the atheist crowd, and I think it does itself a bit of a disservice. I like Penn not because he’s brilliant like Hitchens or Dawkins, but because he’s much more of an every-man. He’s weird, swears like a trucker (juggler?) and just speaks his (well reasoned) mind. He doesn’t try too hard to sound smart, but frequently fails at that. I like Penn because he’s likable.

“God, No!” is about atheism like the bible is about being a good person. It’s in there, but it’s largely anecdotal. People looking for an exploration of evolution, or the evils of religion through history will be disappointed; but fans of Penn will be rewarded. The book is essentially a very disjointed, very honest biography of a guy who has repeatedly found himself in some extraordinary situations. It’s personal bar stories from a masterful storyteller.

For “Penn Point” watchers, some of the material will sound familiar as it has been briefly touched on in the podcast, but the book does a good job of fleshing out stories that were well-truncated in the 5-10 minute videos. And for voyeurs, it’s chock full of tales of sex, nudity, general debauchery, and (painfully) one grilled penis.

I was telling my wife the other day that there are very view people’s voices I would recognize in a crowd, but Penn’s is one of them. I was grateful to find that the audio version of the book has Penn reading the whole thing. Not grateful because Penn has a particularly beautiful voice, he most certainly doesn’t. But it’s so familiar, and the stories so intimate, that I can’t imagine it being read any other way.

What I liked most about the book, and where the title earns back a bit of relevance, is that Penn does an excellent job illustrating that you can be a good, moral, honest and intelligent human without the fantasy of religion or the fear of a god keeping you in line. It’s an obvious truth, but then books about atheism always are.

Buy it here, or here if you’re in China.

Holy Christ is it funny.

For those that don’t know who David Thorne is, and haven’t visited his immensely hilarious site 27b/6, essentially he writes satirical, at least partially fictional, articles that are frequently in the form of e-mail exchanges. Here’s an excerpt from Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight:

Darryl. The kind of friend Jesus would have.

While preaching is not allowed in Australian public schools, it is apparently fine to replace school counsellors with ‘Christian Volunteers’ such as Darryl.

A few years ago, the government realised that they could hand over school counselling roles to a willing Christian church without having to pay for the privilege. Now almost half of Australian public schools have a Christian volunteer as a full time member of the school community with parents having no direct control of how much their children are exposed to.

Although usually an advocate of people being entitled to their opinions, sexual preferences and beliefs, I seem to have developed some form of mental glitch that makes me want to punch Daryl’s fat head.

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 10 March 2010 7.12pm
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

I have received your permission slip featuring what I can only assume is a levitating rabbit about to drop an egg on Jesus.

Thank you for pre-ticking the permission box as this has saved me not only from having to make a choice, but also from having to make my own forty five degree downward stroke followed by a twenty percent longer forty five degree upward stroke. Without your guidance, I may have drawn a picture of a cactus wearing a hat by mistake.

As I trust my offspring’s ability to separate fact from fantasy, I am happy for him to participate in your indoctrination process on the proviso that all references to ‘Jesus’ are replaced with the term ‘Purportedly Magic Jew.’

Regards, David.

---

From: Darryl Robinson
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 9.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Permission Slip

Hello David

The tick in the box already was a mistake I noticed after printing them all. I’ve seen the play and it’s not indoctrinating anyone. It’s a fun play performed by a great bunch of kids. You do not have to be religious to enjoy it. You are welcome to attend if you have any concerns.

Darryl Robinson, School Chaplain

---

From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 11 March 2010 11.02am
To: Darryl Robinson
Subject: Re: Re: Permission Slip

Dear Darryl,

Thank you for the kind offer, being unable to think of anything more exciting than attending your entertaining and fun filled afternoon, I tried harder and thought of about four hundred things.

I was actually in a Bible based play once and played the role of ‘Annoyed about having to do this.’ My scene involved offering a potplant, as nobody knew what Myrrh was, to a plastic baby Jesus then standing between ‘I forgot my costume so am wearing the teachers poncho’ and ‘I don’t feel very well’. Highlights of the play included a nervous donkey with diarrhoea causing ‘I don’t feel very well’ to vomit onto the back of Mary’s head, and the lighting system, designed to provide a halo effect around the manger, overheating and setting it alight. The teacher, later criticised for dousing an electrical fire with a bucket of water and endangering the lives of children, left the building in tears and the audience in silence. We only saw her again briefly when she came to the school to collect her poncho.

Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your god’s promise of eternal life is very persuasive, the Papua New Guinean mud god, Pikkiwoki, is promising a pig and as many coconuts as you can carry.

Regards, David.

Read the rest of “Nowhere in the Bible does Jesus have a sword fight.” Equally hilarious are … well… pretty much every article on the site. Some of my favs:

• Ten F26-A formal complaint notices in six months
• Party in Apartment 3
• Blockbuster Late Fees
• Next time, I’ll spend the money on drugs instead
• Missing Missy

David’s also published a book, “The Internet is a Playground: Irreverent Correspondences of an Evil Online Genius“, which is (somewhat surprisingly) also available via Amazon.cn.

The FSM was the product of a 2005 open letter to the Kansas School Board from Bobby Henderson in opposition to “Intelligent” Design being taught in science classes as an alternative to evolution.

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

read the whole letter – it’s not long, and quite funny.

Henderson has gone on to pen The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a book that will definitely be rubbing covers with the next batch of baby books I’m ordering.

The funniest part of the Pastafarian phenomenon and Church of the FSM site is the rather mountainous collection of hate mail that Henderson has received. It amazes me that Christians people will go to all the effort of 1) finding out just enough about the FSM to visit the site, 2) tracking down the contact details on the site, and 3) writing lengthy and strongly-worded e-mails — while not once stopping and revisiting the term parody. The irony that they are the biggest believers in the FSM is not lost on me.

I envy not the well-balanced Christians that I call friends, for the ilk that share their faith are truly a poor representation of the otherwise wondrous human intellect.

As for me, this horn swollgin’ scallywag has ben touched by His noodly appendage. Arrr! What about ye, ye scurvy dog?

God I love the Onion.

That said, I think I’ve stumbled on a goldmine:

The Canine Call-girl Outfit®

Is your pup more tramp than lady? Is she man’s best friend with benefits? Does she know how to wag that piece of tail? Well then The Canine Call-girl Outfit® is exactly what she needs!

This full-body mesh is available in a multitude of monochromatic colours — from bowWOW black to innocent schoolpuppy white.

What’s more, The Canine Call-girl Outfit® is not just for the lassies. The slightly-torn mesh look will make your beefcake bitch the talk of the dog park.

Act now, supplies are unlimited! Only 8 easy payments of 6 jiao, and the The Canine Call-girl Outfit® can be yours!

So yeah… Button got spayed yesterday and came home in that mesh thing. Once I stopped laughing at her (on the inside, don’t want to give the pup a hard time after major surgery) I realized it’s a damn effective way to stop her from licking at the stitches. We have one of those satellite head cone things, but I was dreading using it — and with this mesh outfit, it seems like I might not need to.

We’ve been sweating about getting her spayed for a few weeks now. We’ve not had many confidence-building experiences with Suzhou vets, and I was a little nervous having to turn to one to cut open and remove bits of my dog. After weighing our options and considering going to Shanghai for the procedure, we decided to pay Vet Cao a visit downtown and at least have them run through everything with us.

The biggest thing going against the Shanghai vets, despite no doubt being more of a Western standard of care, is that there is no simple way to transport a dog to and from Shanghai. If we’re lucky enough to find a driver who won’t mind a big hair-shedding (and likely to puke) dog in their backseat, we’re looking at 250-300RMB per trip — tacking on an additional 1000-1200 RMB ($150-175) to the already expensive Shanghai/Western vet price.

Timing was also a factor in the decision. The vet we had been referred to in Shanghai is on holidays until the end of the month, which conflicts with our already-booked trip up to Dalian. Leaving Button to recover with friends wasn’t really our first choice (nor would it be theirs I’m sure!). The only other option would have been to wait until we got back from Dalian and just hope she didn’t go into heat before then.

After our previous dog, Addie, catching us off-guard (we’re no stranger to having this stage of our puppy’s life bring out the sexy garments) when she went into heat around this time last year, we were not looking to repeat the rather messy experience — that, and we’re all out of leopard-print undies.

Fortunately the trip to Vet Cao gave us the confidence we needed. They are one of the few vets in Suzhou that have gas anesthetics, their facility is clean and their vets seem competent. My one big black mark for Vet Cao is that they consistently get bad points for being cheats. Virtually every Chinese message board on the topic of vets in Suzhou complains of this, and as linked to above we’ve experienced this ourselves.

But whether or not they swindled us out of more money on unneeded tack-on costs, it was still going to run cheaper and be way more convenient than a trip to Shanghai. That was Sunday, appointment was yesterday — seven hours at the vet, and 1200 RMB, later and Button will remain baby-less from now on.

She seems to be recovering well; and whether it’s the mesh or her nature, she has not paid much attention to the large piece of gauze or the stitches underneath.

We should be celebrating tonight with some newcommers to China, and that’s always fun. Maggie’s got pots a bubblin’, cooking up some good dongbei food and we’ll be heading downtown to get drunk and blow shit up a bit later on. Fingers-crossed that tomorrow I still have fingers to cross.

A very happy 牛 year to all!

And as I always like to leave a year with a laugh:

PLUS! Super duper bonus link:
I’m fortunate to have some high-quality commenters on this blog, but for anyone that’s ever had a blog, digg’d a story, or uploaded a video on YouTube – you need to read: The 8 Most Obnoxious Internet Commenters

春节快乐！

A number of unnamed McCain campaign aides have come out since the Republican defeat Tuesday anonymously criticizing that:

• She had $150,000 spent on her clothes by the RNC
• She was fooled by a Canadian comedian pretending to be the French president
• She didn’t know Africa was a continent, not a country
• She did not know which countries were covered by the North American Free Trade Agreement

In response she shot back that the criticism was “cruel and it’s mean-spirited, it’s immature, it’s unprofessional, and those guys are jerks.” To everyone’s surprised she didn’t call them poo-poo heads.

She then went on to say:

“So, no, I think that if there are allegations based on questions or comments that I made in debate prep about Nafta, and about the continent versus the country when we talk about Africa there, then those were taken out of context”

Ah… it was just taken out of context. Ok, that happens all the time. I mean, Republican Jerks and the Liberal Media Elite always do that. Wait, wait, hold up. Did you say “the continent versus the country when we talk about Africa” ?

Umm, Mrs. Palin. This isn’t Australia. There is no “the country” of Africa.

And in case it happens that you come across this post, let me take this opportunity to explain that South America is, in fact, a continent, and not the place where gators and the Confederates come from.

Some days my countrymen, yes even the Quebecois, make me entirely proud to be a Canuck . Need further proof where Canadians stand on jokes made about the jokiest of all White House contenders? The Globe and Mail, one of the largest and most respected newspapers in Canada, ran the entire transcript of the prank.